If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize