your parents love me but you hate me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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