As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize