What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
