its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
