i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
