you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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