my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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