Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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