WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
