Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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