I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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