Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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