Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
