I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize