i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
