A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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