some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
