I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
