Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
