Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
