I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
