i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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