cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
