Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
