How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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