he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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