I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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