Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
