oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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