no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
