I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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