I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
