Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
