remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
