She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
