She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
