Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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