Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
