Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
