Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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