fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
