they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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