i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
