i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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