I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
