her vagine was all disorganized.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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