Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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