I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize