I haven't been this sober since birth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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