So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
