I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
