saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
