Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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