therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize