I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
