her vagine was all disorganized.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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