hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
