I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
