Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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