Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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