just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
