If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
