they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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