oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
