you traded sex for a burrito?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
