I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize