I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
