I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How external is "for external use only"?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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