420 ftw
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
tell me about the fingering
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