His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
