wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
