We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
