drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize