Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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